When I look at my ‘before’ photos I remember how defeated I felt. I had convinced myself that I was too fat, too lazy, too busy, too old to change. I had convinced myself that everyone should just accept me as I was, and that I was happy as I was.
I remember seeing people lose weight and ask them “What did you do?” they would reply “Watch what I eat and exercise” and I would think “Nah, that’s not going to work for me”.
I turned 41 and thought, righto, I have done all the ridiculous diets, I have done hypnosis, all of the programs you see advertised on TV and in magazines, personal trainers, gyms blah, blah, blah then I realised nothing external to me is going to make the difference. This isn’t about being born skinny, or being accepted for who I am, this is about making better choices.
In June I found myself getting really angry with someone for the lifestyle choices they made that impacted on me, and then I that “Oh-Oh” moment when I realised that my lifestyle choices, eating rubbish, not exercising and not taking care of myself were impacting on my family - those I cared the most about. How could I be angry with someone else when I was doing the same to my kids by eating myself into an early grave?
So I decided to do it all differently. I had always tried exercise after work, and if I ate rubbish during the day well there wasn’t any point to exercising was there? After work didn’t work for me as I had to find energy to exercise, and I had already spent all of my energy on everyone else and generally there wasn’t any left for me. I thought righto get up early! Great thought, but to be frank I am not a morning person. I know lots of people say that they’re not morning people, but I am not joking, I hated the mornings. I was scary in the mornings. I didn’t even talk to members of my family in the mornings (and I like them!) how the hell was I going to go with strangers…in active wear? Nonetheless I got up and got to the gym at 6.30 3 mornings a week. I didn’t do my hair, and I only had $12 leggings from Kmart. I had an old t-shirt but I was sick of excuses, I didn’t care what I looked like. People still smiled at me and didn’t seem to notice I was fat and unco, and grumpy. They encouraged me, and said hello (they didn’t know it wasn’t safe to talk to me at that hour), and I started looking forward to going in and seeing ‘the regulars”.
When I started at gym I couldn’t do a plank. I didn’t want to do half of the exercises. I felt like every part of my overweight body was ‘clapping’ when I moved. I couldn’t do a sit up (still struggling with that one), but every time I caught myself thinking “I can’t do this” I changed it to “You got yourself here, you can get yourself out of here”.
When I had exercised I had previously done it alone, so no one would see all the wobbly bits. But at It’s Her Gym I love that the trainers are always there. I have signed up to gyms before and I was fine at the intro sessions, but once the sign up sessions were done, I felt a bit abandoned. I couldn’t ask the person beside me (that would be embarrassing) and I didn’t want to go somewhere to make me feel like I had no clue. I’d end up feeling worse than I already felt about myself so I would stop going. I have never felt abandoned at It’s Her Gym (sometimes I wish they wouldn’t notice me ha ha), but the trainers and the women are always supportive. I laugh. Some days I look like a drunk at a disco, but I keep moving, and I keep losing a kilo a week. I keep gaining parts of myself I had buried.
I was 41 years old and 111.8 kilos on the 30th June when I signed up for a ten week challenge. It’s now the 23rd November and I am 26 kilos lighter, and it hasn’t been that hard. Changing my thinking has been hardest bit of training but now I stick to the Idiot Proof Diet, and I stick to my routine. I stick with what I know works. All that stuff about looking for people to accept me? I found there were lots of people who accepted me at Gym, but more importantly I found I can accept myself better now. I am in control of me, and those years spent out of control feel like such a waste. Be kind to yourself, check out It’s Her Gym. Build yourself a village of support. Be with women who know how hard it is to find time for yourself, and are trying to be their best so they know how you feel……YOU can be your best!
If you come into Gym, please say Hi, but give me 10 minutes to wake up first…I haven’t changed everything!